New blog

So I wanted a fresh start.... New blog, new beginnings, new me? Fingers crossed. 

The link is: http://peanutbutterandicecreamstories.blogspot.co.uk/

Still a foodie blog, still healthy and wholesome... just a fresh space. I hope you enjoy.

Lots of love x

Recovery from an eating disorder is possible and completely, undeniably worth it...

Imagine being stuck in a box with black walls. Imagine trying everything but you're stuck; there is no way out. Imagine how frustrating and upsetting and lonely that would be. You spend a lot of time in that box and after a while you can't remember what it’s like in the real world, did you like it outside? Soon you're not sure you really want to leave. The box feels safe, no one can hurt you there. Everything stays the same.

That's kind of like anorexia. It traps you and you can't get out. Pretty soon you forget what reality is and you stay locked inside yourself because somehow that feels safer. Life passes you by and you don't really know it. You don't participate. You can't, and quite frankly you're not sure you want to anyway. Next thing you know you're 21, everything and everyone has moved on but you haven’t. You've forgotten what you’re interested in; you don’t do anything. You become your eating disorder, it defines you.

This week is Nation Eating Disorder Awareness Week, and after 7 years of fighting something which has left me both physically and mentally drained, this week will mark a change. I don’t want that voice in my head screaming ‘anorexia’ when someone asks me about myself and what I do. I want to move on.

Fighting an eating disorder is hard. It feels like going against every atom in my body. But I have had enough of the pain and exhaustion, the depression, the tears, the anger, the way it has affected everyone I love. So here is to trying again. I know there might be days when I want to rebuild my box and hide, I have been through this before. But I have faith because I truly believe life without an eating disorder is better.

So this week I pledge to love myself a little more. Comparison is fruitless, I can never be someone else; I can only be the best me possible – and she is strong and healthy… and most importantly happy.
 And maybe you will try to love yourself more too. Start right now. If you need a sign this is it, break away from what has been holding you back. You are more than a number on a scale, or a size in a pair of jeans. You are beautiful because you are YOU. Never, ever forget that.

Recovery from an eating disorder is possible and completely, undeniably worth every effort...

Vegan chickpea chili

So I had a bit of a nightmare. I don’t know whether it has ever happened to you; when you get a little overly ambitious with how spicy you can handle your chili? Well it happened to me. I had bought all the ingredients, I had big plans and high hopes for my mixed bean vegan dish but after getting a little bit spice-happy I had to accept failure. My chili was far too hot. So I tried again.

This time I was limited by ingredients. I no longer had any mixed beans and instead only had chickpeas. I’m not sure that I’m not sure how far this passes as a chili but it worked well and I liked it a lot. It is warming and filling… there is something comfy about it. And it is versatile too; you can pair it with lots of things, homemade wedges, avocado on toast… the list goes on.  I even liked it just as much (or more I dare say) the next day when I had it with a little salad for lunch!

Chickpea chili: (Serves 3-4)

½ tbsp of coconut oil

1 brown onion

1 clove of garlic

½ tsp chilli powder

½ tsp smoked paprika

½ tsp cinnamon

Sea salt

Ground black pepper

1/2  cup of water

1 can of chopped tomatoes

1 carrot

1 parsnip

1 red bell pepper

1 can of chickpeas

Directions:

Begin by preparing your vegetables; finely chopping the onion, garlic, carrot and pepper and grating the parsnip. Melt the oil in a large saucepan on a medium heat. Add the onion, garlic, spices and seasoning, stirring to coat. Next add the remaining ingredients; the chopped tomatoes, water, vegetables and chickpeas. Turn down the heat and allow the mixture to simmer for 25 minutes, stirring occasionally to ensure the chili doesn’t stick. Serve up! Enjoy with anything from avocado on toast, to rice or homemade potato wedges!

What will you choose?

Sometimes I think we have to choose to be happy; to make that conscious decision to pick ourselves up. It is possible, I swear to you it is. I refuse to believe anyone who says the opposite. Because in those darkest moments there will always be light, you just have to find it.

Sometimes being sad seems strangely easier. Maybe it is a safety thing; the idea that if you curl up in a ball and hide away inside yourself no one – not even the world – can hurt you, and you can’t hurt anybody else. But for one thing you are hurting, and hiding isn’t easier. That initial push might seem impossible at first, but try to convince me that the freedom you will feel once you have broken through that darkness isn't easier and you won’t be able to.

In life we are given choices. I once read a quote that said the time will pass anyway, whatever it is you choose to do. And it will. So what will you choose? I choose happiness.

(Illustration: created and own by me)

Cacao-hazelnut spread

Being lactose intolerant for the large majority of my life means there are some things that I have just never got round to trying; think foods ingrained in most people’s childhoods like Coco Pops and Frube yogurt tubes. But then the other day my mum bought a pot of Nutella. After seeing lots of different ‘healthy’ versions of the spread I figured it must be good. A lot of people are making the effort to recreate something similar yet nutritious; surely I must be missing out. I was. After one small spoonful I knew I was about the join the pack of people attempting to recreate that chocolaty goodness.

I tried lots of different recipes but they just didn’t work; they weren’t sweet enough, not gooey enough, sometimes they seemed to resemble more of a brownie than a spread. But on my fifth attempt I nailed it. This spread is gooey, chocolaty and easy to make. It is just what I wanted my healthier version of chocolate-hazelnut spread to be.

Cacao-hazelnut butter: (makes one small-medium sized jar)

½ cup hazelnuts

½ cup medjool dates

2 tbsp. maple syrup

2 tbsp. cacao powder

 ¼ cup water

Directions:

Begin by pre-heating your oven to 180 °c. Place the hazelnuts on a baking tray and toast for 25-30 minutes, until the inside of the nuts have turned to a beautiful deep golden colour. Once done remove them from the oven. You now need to remove the hazelnut’s skins. It’s really easy to do this, just place some of the nuts in a tea-towel and rub! Don’t worry if some of the skins don’t come off fully. Transfer the nuts into a food processor and blend until they become a creamy nut spread. Add the rest of the ingredients and blend until really smooth, add a little more water if required. Spoon your newly made chocolate-nut spread into an air-tight jar and keep in the fridge. Try your best not to continuously sneak to the fridge with a spoon!

Finally back...

It has been a while. But here I am, back in the bloggersphere, looking back at my last post and finding it hard to believe that I wrote it less than a month ago. A lot has passed over the last 28 days; I have struggled through multiple essays, long nights and early mornings. I have found myself at the library before sun rise trying to ensure a seat, wishing more than ever that caffeine ran on a drip and praying that I might be able to get through just one more hour of revision. Ultimately, the past month has been a struggle… but the worst is over. Last week I completed my final exam until June; the last January exam I will ever sit. And I have learnt about more than just the books I have studied, I learnt a lot about myself too. For one thing I discovered the impact that people have upon me. Days that should have been awful often became quite the opposite because a couple of friends decided to go against their natural ‘student’ instincts and fight to urge to slam their hands on snooze buttons. We might have arrived at the library with the early morning cleaners, but at least we arrived together. When you have people around you it isn’t as easy to get stuck inside your head or to fall into negativity. They struggle with you; you struggle together. It makes everything seem okay.

So from the bad I guess there comes a lot of good. I have realised that for me, happiness is found in others. Being alone drives me to try and achieve a state of perfection that just isn’t possible, but being with other people makes me realise life is about so much more that that. I think what you have to try and remember is that worrying about being perfect is futile; and that it is laughter and happiness that is really important.

Baked Carrot Cake Oats

My flat mates always make fun of me because they say I love ‘baby food’. Strictly speaking this is not true, what they actually mean is that I love gooey, warm food (okay, yes, this kind of sounds like baby food). Oats have been my breakfast of choice for a long time now. Often I find people asking if I get bored having oats most days, and wonder how I do not get sick of it. But I don’t, I truly don’t. I love thinking up new toppings, preparing the oats in different ways… One thing I really love is baked oatmeal.

I've played around with a few recipes for baked oatmeal but this one is simple and results in the gooey, sweet oats that I love. The recipe is for baked carrot-cake oats but can be used for any type of baked oatmeal; simply omit the carrot and something else, for instance mixed berries, apple, cacao…. The list goes on.

Baked carrot-cake oatmeal:

1/3 cup oats

¾ cup of water

1 banana

1/3 cup almond milk

1 small-medium sized carrot
A handful of raisins (optional)
A handful of mixed seeds and nuts (optional)

½ tsp cinnamon

Coconut oil

Directions:

Begin by preheating the oven to 180°c and greasing a small baking dish or ramekin with a little coconut oil. As you wait for the oven to heat place the oats and water in a large bowl and leaving them to stand for around 10 minutes, allowing the oats absorb the water. Grate the carrot, mash ¾ of the banana and slice the other ¼. Once the oats have completely absorbed the water combine them with the carrot, mashed banana, raisins, cinnamon and almond milk. Mix well. If you feel the mixture is a little thick add a little more almond milk. Pour the oat mixture into the baking dish and top with the remaining banana slices, some raisins, seeds and nuts. Cook for 20-25 minutes, or until slightly golden on top.

You might want to let the bake cool for five minutes before you dive into it, as it will be super hot! But the wait will be so worth it! Enjoy!